This has been a heck of a month for me and its only half way over.. I usually have a full speed ahead plan, and a clear head on whats up next for me.. I am sitting here, on January 19th, with nothing planned.. You have to understand, I am a person that on a normal month know what I am going to do at least 3 week in advance. I have no plans for tomorrow.. I have so much to be thankful for.. I have to healthy children who have turned out to be very self suffectant adults. They have rocky times like all of us.. I know I thought once I got to an age I would know everything, well at my age I am still learning everyday, that there is more to learn.. It use to give me such joy to watch my children absorb life with so much gusto. They were fearless, crhallengling, and a joy to be there mom.. I hear of other moms who talk about the trials that they had raising there children, I had normal children I expected them to be normal, my job was to make sure they turned out to be the best that they could be.. I had a lot of emotional problems after I had my son, with a lot of support from my family and friends I got though most of the problems, hopefully with little fall out.. I always say that god wanted me to stay home with my children is why I was aflected with agoriphobia, it is a desease where you at times can not even go outside your house by your self.. which I had to endure, I overcame that, and with time and therapy learn to stay alone with my children. I was unable to drive for almost 10 years, so I was also unable to work a normal job for that time,, I did work other jobs such as avon, tupperware, at times Jerry was unemployed and would drive me to work so that I could work temp with Kelly services. I did this quite offen. Jerry worked construction, for quite a while, until he w able to go to work with the prison system.. Jerry has always been good about working, and supporting our family.. we were no where near rich, or even comfortable secure, but we never went hungry. We have been blessed, to have lived many places.. Jerry was offered a job with the governemnt and we moved to Texas for 8 years, it was there that I resumed my driving.. I went back to work, but I apparently wasnt very happy, I gain a lot of weight.. I met a lot of good friends, worked a lot of great jobs, and lived in a beautiful home. But I was never home, My home was always in baton rouge, I put on a big smile, a tried to make the best of a situation I had no control over, I worked at an airline, and put my kids on a plane, so they wouldnt lose there roots. although I wasnt making much money working for the airline, and had little time to go anywhere, i thought i was doing what was best. Hind sight, maybe that wasnt what was best for my family.. who know, we lived there for 8 years, then we moved to colorado, it was so beautiful there, but again it came with thorns, my only daughter moved to mississippi, she had been unhappy in texas, for quite a while I thought it was a stage she was going though, then when we prepared to moved she said she really wanted to go and live with her cousin, so i agreed . I thought it would be for a little while then she would want to come back to her family. That never happened. My son flurished , he was so loved in colorado, his studies went great his people skills were great, except for not having my daughter, and being so far from my home town it was nearly perfect. Then I went home to visit and realized I was missing everyone growing up, then I was noticing that my great nieces were growing up, then I wanted to move back. Now we are here.. A mere hour and a half.. from my home town, in a beautiful home, Jerry is about to retire, now we are about to sell our home and finally move to my home town. We will read this again next year and see how this goes..