July

Its July 10,2012, Here we go again. We were thinking of moving to Arizona because Tim and his family had moved to Phoenix. We had planned on moving perhaps to Colorado or someplace cooler than Louisiana. Then this opportunity came up, so who knew, Arizona had a cooler area. It seems upper Arizona does have cooler weather, snow and all, sounded like the perfect place.  It was not as close to where Tim and Ginny and Kaylor lived but not as far off as Louisiana.  Now we have been approached with an opportunity to move to California.. Ginny is going on an interview this week in California, and if all pans out, she will be working very soon. Either way they have decided to move, and hope for the best.. So we may or may not be moving to California.  My only concern is that the living cost is quite a bit more than here or in Arizona. If I stilled worked I wouldn't be so hesitant to move, driving a school bus is a job, most often an open job. Jerry loves his job here, but its so hot and he is a welder, which doesn't make a warm place to live and welding an ideal place for people our age.. 
I am looking forward to my visit to California, and seeing my granddaughter and son. Its been quite a while since I have seen them.  
A couple of weeks ago I had a bit of a scare, and went to the emergency room, with stomach pains, and tight chest, and funny feeling in my jaw. Well since I had ignored all the signs of my first blockage, I felt I should go and check this out.. Good news My heart is perfect, and my stomach is okay, I got to spend a night in the hospital, which I hate, but I guess all things have a reason.. It seemed I had a negative reaction to some cold and bladder infection medicine, and between my agoraphobia and the real Negative reactions, I was not breathing very well. 
Its always best to know that things you might be worrying about are cleared, up.. I hadn't had a heart check up since my by pass surgery. I went to the heart doctor, they check my blood pressure, and that was about it.. so this was a mind lighting.
Jerry just had his eyes checked, which was way overdue. We went to Eye master, the 99 with no line bifocals, sounds too good to be true, and they were giving 2 pairs of glassed, all good, of course you 99 dollars does not cover warranty, scratch resistance  and quite a few other add ons gotta have, after everything was added in, it was nearly 500 dollars. Not such a bargain after all. So next time will read all the fine print, thought I had guess I missed something.. Eye masters is combining with several companies so before you go to get your discount glasses, use your old glasses to read the fine print.. Good news Jerry was able to get some stylish glasses, with progressive lenses, and a pair of sunglasses, to boot..Will post some of my traveling adventures. I am also going to Washington to see my friend Sharon, I have been trying to get there for several years, now I hope I get to go this time.. Have fun, and smile at life but not too big,cuz sometimes it comes back to show you just how funny its not.. : )

Today I posted this in a facebook post and thought about it, and decided to post it on my blog. Its so often that us as mothers grown older and turn around and the kids are grown, and we have put our whole heart into raising them, and we realized that we have-not put in enough thought into what are we going to do with us when they are ready to fly.. After all, it is what we raised them to do. When I had children, it was just something i did cuz everyone else was doing it. I had wanted children all my life, and had planned like everything else I did to give it everything I had to be the best mom I could be. I wanted them to be the best they could be. Even though i had a few shaky , teen years, probably a few more or less than some, I had a pretty good life.. You really have to grow up to realize this.. At the time, of course I had the worse mom Ever, was she perfect No!! Was she a good mom, you bet.. Did she make a lot of mistakes I wanted to avoid when I raised my children, sure, I think everyone should try and improve how they were raised. I was taught to always try and be the best I could be.. That was a problem later on in my life.. I did take it to heart that I had to be perfect.. This is not necessary.. You just have to do the best that you can do. It doesn't have to be perfect. I had to learn, a lot, as I was raising a family.. Their are no perfect Mom's. and If they try, its going to be an uphill climb for someone.. Children are unpredictable, Life is unpredictable and we have to adjust as we go to be parents. Children really don't come with instructions. The sooner parents learn this the better.. Of course this goes with all relationships I had to find out.. I was one of those late getting married people.. 25 to be exact.. I was pretty set in my ways.. So I guess these words are about the average mom and some about me too. Perhaps you were busy being a mom, cab driver, boo boo kisser, referee, janitor, (clean up in the hall someone threw up) coach, seamstress in the middle of the night on last minute costume, that Oh mom I have to be a pilgrim tomorrow and all you had in the house was handkerchiefs, thread, and a few scraps of material and a thought ) or lunch room monitor, or homework/lunch delivery person, chauffeur, being cookie lady and hot chocolate lady meeting you at door when child insisted "but its not cold this morning", but you had seen the weather an Knew a cold front was coming in. Sometime you just have to give them freedom of choice, then be there with something warm when they come in from the cold world. Personal maid, Oh and then you had a full time job as a mom, oh and sometimes a full time job, where they expected you to be at work or they don't want pay you, then you of course if you were blessed your a wife and try to be there for your husband, and if your were as lucky as I was he worked and help with some of these things, after his own obligation of work. Oh then housekeeper, cook, food shopper, person clothe shopper for each child and adult in your home, and in charge of keeping all cloth cleaned and put in the right area so they could all ask where is my ****** then with all the time you have left there is YOU. And for all this, people smile at you when you are at lost and at the end of your rope when they do grow up and go off on their own, and don't know where to turn, and say they say you are ONLY going though empty nest syndrome.. Heck yes,you are!! You put your easy fun life on hold to do the most important job of your life, to form the tiny life into something that can face this intense life to the best of their ability, some of us had to work along full time along with doing this some of us part time and some stayed home, all were champs and did the best we could with what we had to work with.. JOB well done.. Take a breath You did good, maybe not perfect,none of em came with instructions, they all came with different personalities, we just had to adjust to them not the other way around. Sure we might have to some recon.. and apologize for all of our fumble and mistakes Now they have the tools good or bad to do the things that they can pick out the good and the bad of what we taught them. That is the beauty of freedom of choice. They all can follow the crowd,they can remember the things we taught them, we may or may not have been right on all things, we too were learning as we went or they can look around and see,not thats not how I want my life to be. and go in the direction they choose.. . but you can't unspilled milk. Now You are in the first of the line, alone with that Hubby if he hung in there with you.. Smile.. Life is real.. I know I am a bit wordy but it had to be said.. Hugs from Kris

March 30 2011 . Yes it has taken me this long to get back to my blog. My life of Joy has not been as Joyful as it could be.. but we have it a lot better than most. Actually a lot has gone on since my last post, Tim got married to a wonderful woman Named Ginny Lewis Now Garner January 8th in the Redland Temple in California we were blessed to be able Tim and Brandie. It has been a long time since we have been in the temple at the same time. I think the last time was when Jerry and I were sealed for time and all eternity with the kids in 1990. It was pretty special . The only flaw was my daughter and I are still estranged. this has been a sore spot for quite a few years, and I must admit, I was a bit apprehensive as to how it would go with us being in the temple, but I felt it went fairly well. It really wasn't about us, it was about Tim and Ginny.. As it should have been.. Now we have a new addition to the family, a beautiful new daughter in law, who we are so proud to have, and she makes my son very happy. And although they say if mama ain't happy no body's not happy. This is not always the case, I have always been happy when my children are happy, and Ginny makes tim very happy, I feel they are a great match..

We are going though a new change, Jerry retired in December of 2011, this has been a trip. As most of yo, u know Jerry worked for the BOP and with them you have to retire when you reach the age of 57, so ready or not, you have to retire. SO we had prepared, and knew we would have to tighten our belt but didn't know we would have to live off of 1/4 of what we were use to for 3 to 6 months, luckly we had a bit of savings, and poor Jerry had to go to work a bit earlier than we had planned, and it looks like we may be moving to Baton Rouge after all. So wish us luck.. more to come..

September 23,2010

My Last post was in March of this year, I was so looking forward to my reunion. It turned out to be quite nice. I really would have like to have been part of the planning, but it seems, the powers who be didn't need any help, and did a great job..
I had my birthday turn another year older, and getting a bit wiser as I go, My son and my nieces and husband made it special for me. My Daughter so as she is ignored the fact that I was ever born.
She is the reason I have decided to post today, it is my blog so I figure I can voice my op ion on my blog. I find it impossible to understand how flesh and blood can shut out another family member unless of course their is some kind of abuse. That would be understandable. I have questioned at lenght, to her my own feeble brain, and what I get is its not you mom its me. I have gone to therapy, and was told to confront her, which is really hard to do when I am not even talk to when I have called. txt, and Now her new deal is I am blocked from txting. Which I totalling understand. I had decided if she wont talk to me I will just text her every so often and tell her how much I love her and miss her voice, and so on, so she blocked me. God knows I couldn't talk to her because my phone calls would go unanswered.. The way I found out she was blocking my txts is when I txted to let her know her uncle had died.. True we were not close to her uncle, but I felt she would want to hear it from her then family. This has been the last straw. I get it.. She doesn't want a mother, she doesn't want to be my daughter, I have always tried to give my children everything they have ever wanted that was in my power. I am now Letting go. It has been over 2 years since I have talked with her, and it has been years since she she as acted like she wanted to be around me, unless it was for her connivance, (she needed money) Well now she doesn't need me for money, and for my checking account that is great, however I didn't want to lose my daughter to get my checking account back. But If what she wants is to be motherless, Wham she is motherless.. I will not bother with the heart ache of why, I will not put the effort out to fix it. I have given until I can give no more. I AM DONE!!!!
I wish her no harm, but I feel we have reached an impass that can not be fixed.. Even if she were of mind to try, I have had to shut my heart (what is left of it) off to any feeling I had for her. I never thought anyone could be so cruel, expecelly a child who was given so much and loved so completely. You just never know..

Now back to my Now life, I have been going though some interesting times, trying to sell this house. Apparently God has a plan.. And its for us to live here. We have this beautiful house, and hour and a half from baton rouge. It could be worse It could be a shack and have to live here. Jerry retire the end of this year.. I am appehesive about this.. His retirement should be okay, its just going to be a bit to adjust to.
He and I have been working though some trust issues I never thought in a million years I would have to worry with after we would have been married for over 30 years.. For 30 years I have had no reason not to trust Jerry, and Now all of a sudden, the past has caught up with him.. we are working though this, but it make me feel as though the last 30 years have been built on lies.. Was I just too busy raising my children? Was it something I should have noticed? What should I do now? so many question, So I just type away. Because as I said I am in a impasse.
On a brighter note, Tim and Ginny came for the weekend, well they came in Friday and stayed sat. I got a new Mac Pro and Tim and Ginny were a lot of help with the transition. We grilled steaks and ate until we popped.
Jerry had been sick with the flu or something for a few days, he is just getting better.. We also found out Sunday that Jerry's oldest brother James Edward Died of a massive heart attack in walmart. He has not been a close family member, but Jerry showed no emotion. which really put me in a tail spin. It made me realize that if he hadn't talked with his brother, in 20 years, and was oh okay, about it, How cold this Garner family could be, which really made me realize this might not be a temp thing with Brandie.. I Really thought if i gave her space I am a bit clingy, that in time she would come around, well after over 2 years, I had to realize not gonna happen, I should have realized it, these Garners, are capable of holding a grudge seriously forever, and not accepting responsibility for any of their actions, they will drain you of every ounce of your attention, self esteem, attention if it fits their need, then can drop you like dog poop in a second. enough about that..
We had three dogs last I wrote, and since then i found homes for all of them except one, which was a baby, her name is Cloe, I though this would be good, except she really needed a playmate, so we just found one, that we named Phee, she is such a lovable puppy and its a good thing because my Cloe is not happy to share her mama time.
My sister recently had an operation, which caused a real tiff between us, and I really didn't understand it at all, She moved back down here after living nearly 20 years in Virginia and I have busted my back side trying to make everything as easy on her as possible, bringing her here and there, staying at her house so she would have company because no one visits her, and bringing her around with me, and on and on.. then when she had this operation, I was suppose to bring her to the hospital it wast day surg, and I had been sick with a lot of things, but my back kept getting more and more, and finally i just had to tell her I was not able to come in, (drive 1 and half) their, then sleep on hard sofa, then sit at the hosp for 5 hours or so, because the last time I brought her, she loaded up on Med, and the doc wasn't even able to do the operation because she had convinced him she had a torn ligament in her shoulder, and didn't so she was in recovery for over 3 hours, getting pain killers, until i finally got worried and they had about run out of pain killers for her and she finally went home. Anyway I just couldn't physically go, I couldn't sit in a recliner for over a hour without hurting, so I told her. so this was wed so wed afternoon she was not talking to me, (answering my phone calls, or txt) Thursday not answering, Friday was surg, nothing, went into surg without talking to me, at all, then was upset with me because i was pissed.. She could have died, and all i would have remember was I wasn't there for her.. She tried to wiggle out of this like that's not true blah blah denied denied denied.. never happened I am so tired of people who do stuff, and cant own up to their crappy behavior.. when i do crappy stuff and I do.. I have to apology, and I don't let someone else think its their fault I was crappy..
Well if you have taken the time to read this. Sorry its my vent page.. but have to gt it out. Sadly its not all, I am just tired of typing.. TTFN

.We are almost at the end of March, and starting of April.. In april I will be going to my 40th class reunion.. I remember when I use to see adds for 40th and 50th reunions I would pictures old people arriving in wheel chairs from the nursing homes.. Thankfully, this is not the case with most of the ones I know, perhaps if I live long enough for the 50th I may be doing just that, I will be quite old then.. I am looking forward to seeing all of my old friends of old.. I went to the 30th and it was really nice.. I didnt really recognized many people, we have lived out of town for most of my younger years. Jerry will be coming with me this year, that will be fun.. We are having Tim and his new Friend coming this weekend, I am looking forward to meeting her, from what Tim has said she is very special. We are planning our crawfish boil of the beginning of the crawfish year, I have been sampling them, they are a good batch this year. I truly enjoy having everyone over for our Yearly crawfish boil. Its fun to see where everyone is in there life,, This year some have had new additions, which I am looking forward to seeing, some have just gotten married since last year, and some have just found out they will be new parents in the near future, it is always fun to see and talk with them.. We are in the process of selling our home, Jerry is Retiring this year, so hopefully my beautiful home will make someone else happy, and we will be able to find a new home just as nice to move closer to family.. We have a new puppy her name is Cloe she is a snorky, she is a mess.. full of energy, we have found homes for our other two dogs, they are happy in there new homes. I will sign off now..

I was going to post this on face book but my son will be glad I didnt.. A friend of mine, sent me an innocent email about how 50..'s mom's were.. I looked at it I knew it was suppose to be strange that people lived like that, but I was born in the early 50's and my mom and family and friends did actually act like that.. they would wear their apron, head scarfs, dusting and vacuuming, cooking, visiting gossiping over the fence, or sometimes go to a friends house for a play date, for the kids and some r and r for the adults to talk and drink coffee.. It was a calmer time in life.. There world was around there family. My mom wouldnt be what I would have classified as my best friend when I was growing up. Her job was to make sure my needs were taken care of, that I grew up to be a strong independ adult. She was there for me if I skinned my knee, or someone hurt my feelings, she would hug me and tell me everything would be alright. But my friend, I would hae classified my brother as my best friend, my Aunt Ree as my best friend, my mom was a mom.. She taught me all the things I needed to survive in this world.. She taught me to be honest, to stand up for my self, she taught me the value of doing you very best at everything you do. It still maybe not be correct, but that wasnt what matter, it was that I had did my best.. She whipped me when i needed, and loved me when i needed, taught me when i needed it, and was proud of me, even though I never felt, proud of myself.. I was lucky that she was my mom.. and I was lucky enough to also be able to say that as I grew up to be that awesome person she was grilling me to be, I can truely say she was also my best friend.. I lost my mom when I was 33 years old, to cancer.. We had a rocky patch when I hit my teens, and luckly we became best bud before I was 20. My only regret, is I lost her way to early.. So you gals, and guys out there if and when you have a child that says youre not there friend, they just mean (right now) Cuz its not there job to be your friend, there job is to make you strong enough to raise the next generation to be just as awesome as you turned out to be.. love me